In the whole history of the worl' mayhap
there been 5 or 6 invenshuns what was really
important and changed history and the price of
cheesedip. THis auckshun item is one of em! Let
me tell ya how it all come about:
After alla th' excitemnt about Lucifer's
Hotpocket had settled down a mite, I gots ta
thinkin', Leroy what the heck have YOU
done with yur life? I mean I got me a
doublewide an a 50" RCA bigscreen an all sortsa
worldly possesshuns, an a course th' hotpocket,
but I just did not know mucha what went on in
the the world outsidda vicksburg or Commurce
CIty even. Or much less, in th' great beyond. So
I thunk about it a while longer whilst I flayed
a chicken and alluva sudden I come to me! I
needed to go back to school and learn, I needed
to sample from the meaty and delishus teat that
is knowlidge and book-learnin' . I tosst thet
chickien in th pot and run right down to the
registrar office at the Louis L'amour Technical
university here ( it's right acrosst the bridge
from the piggly Wiggly an the Liquor Box
).
So I signed up for thet Associates Degree
In Ghostology an never looked back an my world
has never been th same. My Perfessor Dr. Higby (
the same one thet tol me about the RUNES on th'
Lucifer's Hotpocket) has been a reel
inspiration. Now hes a real Doctor, not like
that fake doctor what took out Uncle Jakes
prostater gland with an apple corer and a
needlenose pliars. He never even took an asprin!
THat ol bird is tuff as nails.
I stuck my nose in them books an learned
everthin' there was to know about aliens,
possesshuns, transmogrifikations, SPirits,
hoodoo, voodoo, and eveilness. But what reely
fired my imaginiferation was the nuts an bolts
of divinin' and communicatin with the world of
the dead. Perfessor Dr HIgby says to me one day
- Leroy you are truly a fine student and lerner
of what makes the great beyond tick, an that I
should make my final project something that
could talk to the dead an th afterlife and maybe
He'd put me on a commercial that the technical
college plays in the middle of the night right
after Jerry SPringer ends or twixt Trudys
stories in the afternoon..
A course, you know ol Leroy caint help
biut jump right into a challenj but this was a
mighty tall order: Make the kinda machine
Galileo wanted to make, but was to stupid ta
make ( he didn't even figger out 'lectricity
either! LOSER)
So anyway I got some parts outta the
Abels Junk Yard ( you know the one out on Route
53? The one nexta the Tastee Freeze?) and then I
sacriced my PRIMO 8 track deck from th' El
Camino, got a solderin iron, a can of Iron CIty
and went to work.
One sleepless night runt into another
an I slaved away at my INVENTION. I did not eat
for three days or sleep for three nights so
fired up was I. It was rainin dark and windy
that night, thunder an lightnin crackin like a
bullwhip when I heerd the first voice rumblin
from the depths of the grave comin outta my
invention box. It sounded like the gate on the
chicken coop. It began with real heavy breathin-
kinda sounded like when trudy gets winded goin
up a flight a stairs- and then a eerie headless
voice moaned out to me- Leroy
it said, You must use yur invention only
for the good of mankind and stray
dawgs. Anyou
will call this device a Scientifical
Ghostiferator! Anyou will retain the services of a
lawyur! and you will not eat of chicken meat and
corn pone for ever an everan
Get a shower curtain whilst yer at it.
And right then before it shut up, It said
you must sell this invention on eBay cuz
theys folk on there that will apprecify it
proper-like. Bout that time, a curl of
smoke come outta it and that creepy voice faded
off in the distance like a fart in a
breeze.
SO now, frends an neighbors I offer to
you the finest inventshun i ever made
LEROY'S SCIENTIFICAL GHOSTIFFERATOR.
Below you will see th' technical
skeematiks and pix that will tell ya all you
need to know. THere is more information about
the ghostifferator at http://www.hotpocket.org
as well as frequently ast questions and my
replys. an you can email me from there too. Plus
you can see the genuine Lucifer's hotpocket
auction there,
too.
DIAGRAM 1- THis is the skeematik i drawed
up to make the ghostifferator™.
It aint exactly like thet in reel life cuz the
spirits don t really look like thet. I just
drawed the blood cuz it looked scaryer to
me.
THere she is! LEROY'S
SCIENTIFICAL GHOSTIFFERATOR™! Portable
and light, the Ghostifferator™ lets you connect
to the afterlife and has a pleasant lemony scent
too
This
conveeneint money slot lets you rent you the
GHostifferator™ out to friends an fambly alike.
Each quarter lasts a while- as long as you want!
Note the strong and rezilyent DUCKTAPE coatin!
You can spit on it an get ghost goo all over it
an just wipe it off and be ready to go to the
ball in minutes
THe
Ghostifferator™ lets you contact the spirit
world like you wanna contact it. A flik of th'
switch lets ya change the who the where an the
when instanlty. Now I dont garuntee that y'ull
talk to anybody, speshul, but like how many dead
folks is there? Like Hunderds, so you got a good
chance a gettin somebody on the line purty
quick.
THis
talk modjule lets you hit the button and talk-
Let up when ya wanna hear the dead talk back to
y'all. See the comfortable and convenient strap?
PURE DUCK TAPE!
THe
aireul gives you portablity and also lets ya
downse fur water. Plus it lets ya scratch in
places thet are real hardta reach an it' great
fur hittn the dawg
with.
DISCLAIMERS: There is no guarantee express or
implied that the item will actually talk to the
dead. It's hard enough talking to real people
and getting an answer that's worth squat,
anyway. If ya gonna bid, ya gotta buy, cuz if'm
ya dont, a ghost might whoop ya bootie or worse,
Trudy might stay withya for a weekend. Or your
kid may become an attorney or an axe murderer. I
say pray they become axe murderers.
SHippin- If you gonna buy the ghostifferator
ya gotta pay another $20 fur shippin usin UPS
ground 'cuz its kinda heavy.
MORE INFORMATION: If'n ya need more
information, got to http://www.hotpocket.org to
see more and to see me read letters and tellya
the answers an stuff. I might even do a number
from south pacific or Manson, the Musical.
)
One sleepless night runt into another
an I slaved away at my INVENTION. I did not eat
for three days or sleep for three nights so
fired up was I. It was rainin dark and windy
that night, thunder an lightnin crackin like a
bullwhip when I heerd the first voice rumblin
from the depths of the grave comin outta my
invention box. It sounded like the gate on the
chicken coop. It began with real heavy breathin-
kinda sounded like when trudy gets winded goin
up a flight a stairs- and then a eerie headless
voice moaned out to me- Leroy
it said, You must use yur invention only
for the good of mankind and stray
dawgs. An you
will call this device a Scientifical
Ghostiferator! An
you will retain the services of a
lawyur! and you will not eat of chicken meat and
corn pone for ever an ever an
Get a shower curtain whilst yer at it.
And right then before it shut up, It said
you must sell this invention on eBay cuz
theys folk on there that will apprecify it
proper-like. Bout that time, a curl of
smoke come outta it and that creepy voice faded
off in the distance like a fart in a
breeze.
