Of
alla th' aukshuns I done, this 'un may be muh
favrit! I get to combine the two most sacrid
things in the world: self employd Americans and
bringin life and joy to the child-less! I am
very proud to present to you: LEROY'S HOME FERTILITY
EMPREGNIFICATION CLINIC
KIT
Naturly, as presdent and
CEO of this new venture, I got me plenty of
experience in the art an science of aminul
husbandry and more than mah share of experience
with the art of lovin' so I put these skillz and
hobbies together an added in a dash of
entrapenuryal spirit to create the best
moneymakin oppurtunity EVER made available to
anybody, anywhere, at any time, fur any price.
So just what are ya biddin on? If you win
this aukshun, you will win all the pieces parts
you ever gonna need to be a non-licenced,
non-regulated money makin' machine! Now I caint
promise thet you gonna make a lotta munny, but
if'n ya follow mah caint miss direkshuns, you
likely gonna make a FINE livin'.
Fer example refer to the chart below an
Im a gonna explain it all to ya real clear-like.
If you git yerself 600 clients a day and charge
'em my MSRP of only $1200 a seshun, you gonna
make $720,000 a day! If'n you do thet ever day
fer a year, you could make up to a millyun-Five
or even more! I'll betcha thet sounds purty
good, don't it?
How it all
happened My paw useta breed
Charolais an he sugjestid that I carry on in his
footsteps, but the lure of knowlidge an the
Departmint of Ghostology kept me occupied for a
long time. Then, one day, mah neighbour Cassie
May wuz belleyachin' about not bein able to
cunseeve an like a bolt of lahtnin' it come to
me, I could help this poor lady and help ta
bless her house with a baby If'n I just applied
muhself a little. Anyhow, I hit the books and
the Feed Store an come up with a tool kit that
couldn't miss! I set me up a clinik out in the
tool shed and commencta practicin' and in no
time atall, Cassie May wuz preggers! A course
she tol' all the other checkout girls at the
Piggly Wiggly who wuz also ailin' and sent 'em
down to me and afore ya knowd it theys baby's
all over town!
Well wouldn't ya know even ol' Trudy
showed up at muh door one day demandin thet I
make her GREAT WITH CHILD and thet I never
fulfillt muh OBLIGAYSHUNS AS A HUSBAND due ta
never puttiin a bun in her oven. I tol her th'
only way thet wuz gonna happen wuz if I suddenly
contracted a case of the Stoopid and promptly
invited her to peddle her brand of crazy
elsewhere. She stompt off in a huff and knocked
down half muh tomata plants and proceeded over
to Mikey Neff's (they's broke up now too) and
tried ta git him to do th same thing, but he
slammed the trailer door in her face and went
back ta watchin the QVC. I think he felt bad
about the whole deal and sent me over a sixer of
Heinykin to mend fences.
HOW TA USE YER
LEROY'S EMPREGNIFICATION CLINIC
KIT! More important than how
ya gonna use it is how NOT to
use it.
RULE A. Do
not use the kit to cook Mac 'N Cheese. Nonna
thet glassware is lab ready and could chip ya
teeth if'n ya bite it.
RULE B.
DO NOT
USE ANY PART OF THIS AS A
SPITOON - I cannot stress this
point enough, but all the holes is real tiny an
it always gits on th floor.
Rule 3
If'n your doin Aminul
husbandry, DO NOT
MIX UP YER TOOLS AND
LIQUIDS!!!!!!!!! Matter a fact,
I hear tell about some feller in china what did
that and 9 month later, some kinda
YAKBOY come out. 'Bout ever
week or so you can read the Star an see a story
bout how some kinda experiment come out wrong,
or how Gary Buseys teeth are takin over alla his
body functions, or how Satan is Livin in a
Frozen Meal. Just rediculous
stuff.
RULE #4 - The
most important rule of all. Screen yur potenshul
clients an make sure none of 'em is one of the
followin: A LAWYUR, A BANKER, A CONGRESSMAN ( or
CONGRESSWOMAN NEEITHER) OR A TEEVEE MORNIN' SHOW
HOST. We don wanna have any more of these
unfortunate accidents of nature. A nice
YAKBOY would be a whole lot more needed
in this world.
Got sumpin ta say Leroy?
Hit here to say it or if'n ya want me
to put yur comments up on this auction, ya gotta
use the contakt the seller button on top this
page.
If'n Ya want more info about ol Leroy and
whatnot, Ya betta go to my about me page and I
can tell ya more.
DIAGRAM 1- Now this is what we usta use
ta harvist the love necter on the farm, but you
might wanna use somethin else to git yer folks
in a givin' mood! CLick thet picher above to
see it Large size!
Here's all yer stuff. I cleaned out the
takle box purty well, but ya might wanna hit it
with the hose for a few minutes... WINNIN
BIDDER_ Tell me if'n ya want me to leave the
spinners and bobbers in there. Hell, I'll even
throw in some 20lb
test!
What Cha gonna Git!:
Ifn you win this aukshun, you'll
git alla th items in th' pitchers
above.
You gotta supply the following:will to
work, stirrups, 3 yard of terry cloth, pillas,
some fishsticks, a bottle of lemon Pledge, three
guavas, a spark arrestor, 18 #3 phillips head
screw drivers, 41 AAA battrys, a hubcap from a
'47 Plymouth, a copy of The New REPUBLIK, one
small bust of Alfredo Garcia, and a quart of
Valvoline-- nooo make that Quaker State... one
tender sucklin goat, a 12Ohm resister and one
Garden Weasel.
DISCLAIMERS:
REMEMBER-Just because yur plantin some seed, it
don make yuh a DOCTOR! Any fool knows thet, but
theys some STOOPID people out there an most of
'em usually have a badge or have passed the bar.
These are the people what want ta make YOU pay
fur ever time they momma never let em lick the
cake pan.
Shippin- If you gonna
buy the clinic kit, ya gotta pay another $20 fur
shippin usin UPS ground 'cuz its kinda heavy.
Just be glad yuh wuznt the high bidder on my
anvil collection.
)
